i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
