if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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