id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize