i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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