im six kinds of drunk right now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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