And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
