Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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