The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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