I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
