last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
