Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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