My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
