Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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