I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
