It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
