I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
