dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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