I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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