Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
