Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
