talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
