i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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