Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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