Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
