Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
