You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
