You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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