I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
