I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
