Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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