dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
