Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
