Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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