This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
