im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
