I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
