I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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