NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
