Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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