with your own penis?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
