I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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