just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize