when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
