i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
