She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
