I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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