Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize