These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
