her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
