so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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