I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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