I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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