i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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