Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
