i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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