I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
