So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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