please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
