I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
