if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize