We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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