This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
