you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
