I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
