Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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