My nipple is on Facebook.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
