Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
