ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
