took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
