All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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