Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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