I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize