one might say we're banned from that church
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
